I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
