the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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