My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
