She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
