I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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