my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
