I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
