It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
