Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
