Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
