I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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