You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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