She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
