Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
