I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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