I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
