So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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