things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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