Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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