...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
