i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
