wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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