shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
