I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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