this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
