**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
