I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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