I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
