I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
