You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
