omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
