i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
