So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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