im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
