So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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