he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
