This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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