nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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