is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
