Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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