I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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