a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
