3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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