my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
