The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
