no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
