if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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