We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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