I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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