In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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