Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
