Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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