So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
