Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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