You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Welp...herpes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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