were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
