let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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