omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
