bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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