Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
