your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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