I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
